Time and Lovers... Ugh, Time, you evil life-sucker!

My head is spinning and a lot of things in my life have been stirred up lately. Old wounds being reopened, a searching for my calling in life, a restlessness in my heart, a constant wrestling with Time (I have decided that Time is my greatest enemy). In all of this I have lost my way a little bit. I have failed to spend time with God in His Word. I have been discouraged by my own lack of enthusiasm. I have given my heart over to other lovers thinking they will somehow satisfy. It's pathetic, really - I know this in my head, but my heart is failing to connect. Then I wake up from my slumber and wonder how so much Time has flown by.

I turned 27 on July 13th... I wasn't ready for it. I wanted to stop Time and say, "Hey! Please let me do that year over again... Well, if you don't mind, I'd like to do the last three years over again." But that's not possible, and I'm sure for good reason. I just get in these funks. And it's pretty hard to "unfunk" the "funk." I think I'll fight this all my life, as most people do. I think the part that needs to change is me. Me, and how I face the funk. I lose hope too easily, am too easily discouraged. I retreat behind the walls I've built instead of running to the fortress that is my God. It might help me to stop wasting Time and idolizing lesser loves if I would just turn to God in these times. (hm... ya think?!) Somehow, the practicing of such things is harder than the preaching. It's easy to preach it. I am really good at lecturing myself for hours, but when it comes time to actually do it... well, you can guess. Maybe it's just going to take more Time to figure it out. Ugh... Time.