I can't put words to the innumerable emotions wreaking havoc in my heart and soul right now. I haven't felt this desperate and pleading in so long. My mind runs through all the questions I refused to ask because I didn't want to come across doubtful and untrusting, but I can't fight them off any more. So many questions go unanswered, and that's life. I know that. Sometimes there are no answers and sometimes I'm okay with that. But then there are the times that I need answers. Almost like I'm not going to be able to bear it if I don't get them. I never really thought of myself as someone who needed help bearing anything. My life has been one where I have learned to suffer silently. No one could possibly understand. That's a very self-righteous way to think, but it's also a very lonely way to think.
I don't like feeling lonely, I just don't want to burden anyone else. Not even my Savior. You can tell me that's foolish and I would agree. But I can't do anything differently. I don't know how, though I desperately want to. It's probably unfair to post this since I'm not being very open about what my questions are and why I have them, but I don't know where else to get this out. Does it make me weak? Well, I am weak. That's evident. Can someone be weak and brave at the same time? Brave enough to ask the questions aloud?
1 comment:
You can be brave Liz... but only by Gods' strength. He's so good to us (even when we struggle to see it). I will pray for you. I'm only a phone call away. Give me a call if you want to talk about anything, or nothing of particular importance. :)
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